Everything but Understanding
by Rose Catcher
Summary: He thinks back to all the good times they had together, all the sassy remarks, insane ideas, and all the laughter they had shared here, and let his mind think of all the good times they had now, and comes up with none. He knows it's time to leave, and can't help but hope that his Guardians would have more good times.


He was their sky, the sky that accepted them all, and the sky that never judged them. He would always protect them, defend them, and love them, even if they turned their backs on him. He would do anything for them, his precious Guardians, even…if he had to die.

So, if he already came to that conclusion, why did he feel pangs of pain in his heart whenever Lambo gave him a scared glance?

'_S-stay away from m-me! You a-aren't the Tsuna-nii I k-know!'_

Why did he feel like he wanted to cry his heart out when Takeshi started to regard him with a cold manner?

'_Stay away from Lambo…you're only going to hurt him, aren't you?'_

Why did he feel like he wanted to rip his heart out when Hayato stopped visiting him every day?

'_Are you going to visit anytime soon Hayato?'_

'…_I'm sorry Decimo…I have other things to do…'_

Why did he feel so disgusted with himself whenever Chrome's lips would quiver and stutter whenever he asked her a question?

'_I-I'm sorry Boss! I h-have to g-go!'_

Why did he feel as if behind that unreadable glare Mukuro gave him was filled with disappointment?

'_Oya oya, it seems as if you have changed, Vongola, I have no use for you anymore.'_

Why did he feel as if he was suffocating when Oni-, no, Ryohei, stopped looking at him completely?

'…'

And finally, why did he feel as if someone dumped him in a tub full of ice water, when he got degraded from Omnivore to Herbivore when he could fight perfectly fine?

'_Omnivore…no…Herbivore…'_

Oh, he knew, he knew why he was the victim of all those cold glares, and quivering lips, it was because he killed, he killed for the first time… No, it was more like when he killed the Boss of the Carcassa family liberally, when Antonio de Carcassa threatened to kill _all_ of his Guardians with the bombs he implanted right around the warehouse they were fighting in.

_~Flashback~_

_Antonio de Carcassa smirked, knowing full well that the puny, pathetic Vongola Decimo wouldn't be able to kill him. Maybe injure him, but not kill him._

"_Surrender now, Vongola Decimo, and I won't kill your Guardians."_

_Tsuna snorted with disbelief. _

"_Oh yeah, and how would you do that? Last time I checked, your men were getting their asses __**kicked**__."_

_The Carcassa bossed just smirked wider, showing his yellow stained teeth, "Oh, I don't know, let me think," he put his finger on his chin as if thinking when suddenly, he brought out a remote, with one, blaring, red button on it. Tsuna's intuition was ringing bells in his head, signifying for him to be careful._

"_Let's see, I'll press this red, beautiful button here, and then, guess what? It'll all go…BOOM!" _

_Tsuna froze at his words. He didn't mean what he thought he meant….right?_

_An evil glint showed itself in the Carcassa's boss's eyes, "Yes, I implanted bombs. Nice, pretty bombs, right around the perimeter of the warehouse your Guardians are currently fighting in."_

_Tsuna's eyed widened, then, they went blank, "And why would I believe that? For all I know, what just spouted out of your mouth could all be lies to trick me into surrendering."_

_Tsuna said that, but he knew that it was the truth, his Hyper Intuition confirmed it. _

"_Do you want to test it out? I'm sure _**I**_won't mind. ", the smirk that left his face earlier was back, full on._

_Outside, Tsuna's face was blank, devoid of all emotion, but inside, he was frantic, trying to find a way to save his Guardians. _

_WhatshouldhedoWhatshouldhedoWhatshouldhedoWhatshouldhedoWhatshouldhed-_

"_If I were you, I would give the answer soon… after all, who knows, I might just press this button," Antonio said, as his finger came dangerously close to pressing the red button, "Now, let's have a countdown shall we? If you, Vongola Decimo, do not give me the answer in three seconds, then…" _

"_10"_

"_9"_

"_8"_

"_7"_

"_6"_

"_5"_

"_4"_

_Tsuna made the decision that would change his life._

"_3…"_

"_2….-"_

_Tsuna didn't think, he only acted. He wouldn't – __**couldn't**__ – let his Guardian die. One second he was frozen in spot, and the other second, Antonio de Carcassa had a hand sticking out of his chest._

_That was the scene that Tsuna's Guardians came in to. They had finished with fighting the chivalry and decided to see if their boss needed a hand. They weren't expecting for their Boss to see his hands through the Carcassa's Boss body._

_Then, Antonio whispered in agony, not to loud to be heard by people outside, but loud enough for Tsuna and his Guardians to hear, _

"_How could you? I…I begged for mercy….! I promised I would change my ways… How…could….you…" with each word his voice diminished, signify that he was about to die._

_The Guardians could only stare in shock._

"_J-jyuudiame…? " _

_Tsuna turned around with a smile on his face, exposing his bloody hand and body to his Guardians, and replied, "Yes, Hayato?"_

_Hayato swallowed. Seeing his friend drenched in blood like that…_

"_W-why did y-you kill him? We could h-have used him f-for i-interrogation."_

_Immediately Tsuna's face went dark, his voice also._

"_He threatened kids, Hayato. He __**experimented **__on kids. I only did what he deserved. Also, he threate-"_

"_That's enough," Hayato replied, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. Before, even if the Boss they were fighting were cruel, Tsuna would still provide mercy…and Antonio de Carcassa _did_ beg for mercy…. "Let's go back"_

_Tsuna furrowed his brows, "No, you don't understand Hayato, he threatened y-"_

"_That's enough, let's go back now okay?" Hayato said with a strained smile on his lips._

"_Y-yeah…"_

_~Flashback End~_

It was after that certain event that his Guardians began to distance themselves from him. It was little thing at first, like Hayato wouldn't be able to look him in the eye, Takeshi would begin to stop talking to him, Lambo would go on his way to ignore him, and Chrome would be blanked face whenever he asked her a question.

Then, it slowly escalated. Hayato would stop visiting him in his mansion; Takeshi would stop talking to him, and not invite him to his baseball games, and so on.

When Tsuna asked them about it, they would always change the subject or try to leave immediately. It was torture.

Torture for the sky that isn't really the sky without its elements.

Little by little, Tsuna's health began to deteriorate. He began to not eat, not that his Guardians noticed; after all, they were all away on missions and too busy to eat with him. He became skinnier and skinnier, buried himself in work, and became unable to sleep.

He was still hoping against all odds that his Guardians would come back to him as if nothing ever came between them, and hoping that he would wake up and find that this was all a nightmare.

He started to wish he never became the Vongola Decimo.

This revelation came to him one day when he was signing the massive piles of paperwork.

Because, he didn't _have_ to be there, his Guardians were the ones that assigned themselves missions anyways. If he left, his Guardians would still be there and working, and not _caring _that their boss left. It's not as if they showed anything signifying that they actually cared for over the last months anyways, come to think about it.

He didn't want to think about it though. He was still naive enough to think that his Guardians would come back to him. The final push didn't come until his birthday, though.

It was his 19th Birthday. He was already an adult, but it was the last of his 'teenage' birthdays.

He had been on a rather gruesome mission and had been expecting a warm-hearted welcome-back from his Guardians.

What he got was an empty room and a gut-wrenching disappointment about the whole thing.

* * *

He knew that he shouldn't, knew that if he _did _leave, then he would never be able to come back, and that his Guardians would never forgive him. He _knew _that and yet, he couldn't push back the temptation to just be selfish, this one little time. He also knew that if he didn't leave right there and then, he would die in misery.

So which would he choose?

* * *

In the morning, when the Guardians would wake, they would all find a similar looking envelope on their desks. They would feel an empty, almost _painfull thing _in their gut and heart and everywhere else because they already kinda knew what the letter would say. When they finally read the letter and understood it, they would all rush to the mansion where Tsu-_no, he doesn't live there anymore, he left, _lived, they would see an empty bed with only a single letter there. When the Guardians read _that, _they couldn't do anything else but cry about the unfairness of everything and just _freaking fuck _want to hurt someone because if they had just listened to Tsuna then none of this would have happened and they would all be comforting Tsuna because _dammit, _it was Tsuna's first kill and they all had nightmares about their first kill and just trying and hoping that Tsuna would come back one day even though they knew that he wouldn't.


End file.
